"Helping your children live together so you can live too."

How many of you have felt like this? Be honest with yourselves. Who can remember being at loggerheads with brothers and/or sisters? Who believes that sibling rivalry is something that only happens to other people's children?

It is a widespread problem that involves competition, envy, resentment and personal frustrations to name but a few factors. Where does it all begin? What is the worst about sibling rivalry and, conversely, what is the best about it? If any of these statements strikes a chord, then read this book. It is easy to follow, humorous and sympathetic, illustrated with amusing cartoons and the authors draw on personal experiences and research findings to show ways to teach children how to get along, "to lead rivals towards peace."

The information and advice is practical and down to earth and deals with, among other things, how to resist the urge to compare, how to realise that brothers and sisters need to have their feelings about each other acknowledged and how to handle the fighting.

The main thrust of the book is to treat your children according to their individual needs, rather than absolutely equally: "Children don't need to be treated equally; they need to be treated uniquely", say Faber and Mazish. "Instead of giving equal time, give time according to need" and "Resist the urge to compare" or "Avoid unfavourable comparisons" is their main advice. With such sound, down-to-earth wisdom at the heart of the book, it is easy to see why this was number one on the New York Times best seller list and it is a book which any parent affected by sibling rivalry will find invaluable. --Susan Naylor

About the Book
"A very human book about one of the toughest problems parents have to handle." --Dr Benjamin Spock, author of the renowned Dr Spock's Baby and Child Care

About the Authors
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed award-winning experts who lecture and create group workshop programmes on adult/child communication. Their books have been printed in 20 languages and have sold more than three million copies.

With great illustrations/cartoons, 'Quick reminder' lists at the end of each topic and a good index, it's easy to flick through and find just what you're looking for, without having to read the whole book again (not that having to do that would be a disaster!)

The book also gives adults an insight into their own relationships with their siblings - I've told my mother, sister and husband that they just MUST read it.

On reading the dedication in the front of the book: "To all the grown-up siblings who still have a hurt child inside them.", I knew that this was the book I had been looking for!

Congratulations & thanks to Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish - a brilliant book!!


This is for everyone, even if you don't have children!   March 23, 2005
 7 out of 8 found this review helpful

I have to disagree with one of the reviews regarding it's 'American' approach and delivery and for 'older children'. This book is enlightening. It helps you understand your own siblings and the way in which your parents dealt with rivalry. This book provides the data it collected from the focus groups or group sessions. They are honest and straight forward. Anyone who understands social research knows that gathering data in this fashion (especially when they conducted it originally) is more than appropriate if not necessary.

This book give basic and fundamental ways of speaking we should all learn.


Thought provoking and practical.   February 16, 2005
 19 out of 19 found this review helpful

I first read this book when my children were 4 and 6, and their relational issues were mostly centred on 'sharing' and 'learning to be gentle'. Many of the issues/situations covered in the book had not yet arisen in our family. Now that they are older, 6 and 8, and the older one has learnt that he can be vicious with his words, and the younger one manipulative with his emotional reactions I have dipped into it again, and it has proved extremely helpful. To start with it has helped me to reflect on my own experiences, growing up with my brother, and the reasons why siblings clash and how parents can make the situation both worse and better. The most positive part of the book is that it helps you, the parent, to help your children take responsibility for handling and expressing their feelings and managing their disagreements. Hopefully these will become valuable skills for their future relationships in life too. I have recommended the book to numerous friends. I recently lent my copy of the book to someone, but I cannot remember who it was, so I have GOT to buy a new one. I'm going to need to refer to it many times over the next few years I feel!


Sanity Saver   July 22, 2004
 13 out of 13 found this review helpful

In desperation as a single parent father I bought this book and the other (F&M) one about How to talk so kids will listen.... What a revelation they are. By acknowledging children's feelings and allowing them to talk most of the conflict has gone. By describing rather than bossing around co-operation has increased. It has not been easy and I still have a long way to go but things are a lot more relaxed. By removing the "competing and comparing with each other" part of the sibling relationship much of the brother and sister conflict and fighting has gone. I also found the idea of family meetings really helpful. By getting the children to contribute to the solution there is definitely more co-operation.
I have no hesitation in recommending it. In fact it probably needs to be compulsory for all parents. Also check out their website www.fabermazlish.com